Key points

  • Most of the damage happens between sessions, in unfiltered direct contact.
  • Low-contact approaches like parallel parenting reduce friction but still require a channel for the necessary logistics.
  • A one-sided filter lets a party receive the facts without the hostility, even if the other party will not participate.
  • It supports, rather than replaces, the dispute resolution process.

In family dispute resolution, the work you do in session can be undone in the days between. Two people who managed a civil conversation with you in the room go home and resume the same hostile back-and-forth by text and email. By the next session, the ground you gained has eroded. More articles like this are on our page for professionals.

The damage between sessions

The between-session contact is where the conflict lives. It is unfiltered, unsupervised, and emotionally charged, and it is exactly the contact a mediator has the least ability to shape. Asking parties to simply be more civil rarely holds when the messages are landing in the heat of the moment. For clients under an order, see helping clients communicate under an AVO or intervention order.

Low-contact, not no-contact

Approaches like parallel parenting deliberately reduce the contact between parties to the minimum the situation requires. They work, but they still need a channel for the necessary logistics, and that channel is where hostility creeps back in. Reducing the volume of contact does not, on its own, remove the hostility from the contact that remains.

A one-sided support

FenceChat removes the hostility from the contact that has to happen, on one party’s side, without needing the other to take part. A party gets a FenceChat address or number, the other party sends to it as normal, and a language filter delivers the facts while keeping the originals. Because it is one-sided, it still works when only one party is willing to use it, which is often the reality in a high-conflict matter. The techniques you may already suggest to parties, such as BIFF replies, are far easier to apply when the incoming message has already been stripped of its provocation.

How it fits with FDR

This is a support for the process, not a substitute for it. It does not resolve the dispute, and it does not replace the structure you provide. What it does is lower the temperature of the contact between sessions, so the parties arrive with less fresh hurt and the progress you make is less likely to be undone before you meet again. Separation coaches face the same gap between sessions (see steadying client communication), and for the evidence side, see message archives as evidence in family court.

FenceChat doesn’t replace family violence screening. If you are the mediator, consider offering information about it to both parties, and see where family violence is a concern.

Clients often ask about a section 60I certificate once FDR has run its course. That’s a conversation for you and the FDR practitioner, and FenceChat doesn’t change any part of the process. It simply helps keep contact between the parties calm and on record in the meantime.

FenceChat is an Australian company and a member of the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman. See our accountability and complaints handling.

Frequently asked questions

Does it work if only one party will use it?

Yes. It is one-sided. A party sets it up on their own side and the other party simply sends to a FenceChat address or number, so it helps even when the other party will not participate.

Does it replace the mediation process?

No. It is a support that reduces hostile between-session contact. The dispute resolution process, and your role in it, are unchanged.

What do the parties have to install?

The party using it sets up a FenceChat account. The other party installs nothing and keeps sending ordinary email or text, just to the FenceChat address or number.