Key points

  • A parenting after separation course helps parents put the children first and talk about them with less conflict.
  • Courses are run by family and relationship services, and some are free online, such as Family Transitions Triple P Online.
  • The hard part is often the messages that arrive after the session ends.
  • Simple habits help: stick to the children, one topic per message, and wait before replying.
  • FenceChat filters hostile language out of the other parent’s emails and texts, so you read the facts, not the fight.

A friendly note: This guide shares general information to help you understand your options. It isn’t legal advice, and it can’t tell you what to do in your own situation. For that, a lawyer or a free legal service is the best next step, and you’ll find some in Where to get help.

Many separated parents end up doing a parenting after separation course. Sometimes a family dispute resolution practitioner, a lawyer or a court suggests it. Sometimes a parent signs up because the arguments are wearing everyone down, the children included.

The course itself often goes well. The room is calm, someone is guiding the conversation and the ideas make sense. Then you get home, pick up your phone, and the same old message is waiting. This guide covers what these courses teach, where to find one, and how to keep the calm going in your messages afterwards.

What a parenting after separation course covers

Courses differ, but most cover the same ground:

  • How separation affects children at different ages, and what helps them feel secure.
  • Keeping children out of adult conflict, including not passing messages through them.
  • Talking with the other parent about the children without restarting old arguments.
  • Making and sticking to practical arrangements, like handovers, school and holidays.
  • Looking after yourself, because a worn-out parent finds calm harder.

Many courses are run in small groups, in person or online, and parents usually attend separately. You do not need the other parent to sign up for you to benefit.

Courses you may come across in Australia

Names and availability change from state to state, so treat this as a starting point rather than a full list:

  • Parenting after separation courses run by relationship and family services such as Relationships Australia and CatholicCare (whose course is called Keeping Kids in Mind).
  • Parenting Orders Program services, for families where parenting orders are in place and conflict is still running high.
  • Family Transitions Triple P Online, a free online course for separating parents from the Triple P parenting program.

If someone has suggested a course, ask them which one they have in mind. If a course is part of a court process, your lawyer or a free legal service can tell you what is expected. In the United States and the United Kingdom, courts and family services run similar parenting programs, and your local family court or family service can point you to one.

Why the calm can slip after the course

A course gives you tools, but it cannot change what the other parent sends you. A message that opens with a dig, brings up the past or lists everything you have supposedly done wrong can undo a lot of good intentions in a few seconds.

Reading those messages over and over also takes a toll. Many parents say the hardest part is not the logistics but the dread every time the phone lights up. That dread makes it harder to reply in the calm, child-focused way the course taught.

Putting the course into practice in your messages

These habits line up with what most courses teach:

  1. Stick to the children. Answer the practical question: the time, the place, the cost, the plan. Leave the rest.
  2. One topic per message. A short message about a single subject is easier to answer and harder to argue with.
  3. Wait before you reply. Unless it is urgent, give yourself time. A reply written an hour later is usually calmer.
  4. Use one channel. Pick email or text for parenting messages and stick to it, so nothing gets lost and nothing turns up late at night on a different app.
  5. Keep it brief, friendly and firm. Methods like BIFF and yellow rock give you a simple shape for replies.
  6. Never send messages through the children. Even “tell your dad” or “ask your mum” puts them in the middle.

How FenceChat helps: FenceChat sits between you and the other parent’s emails and texts. Hostile, manipulative language is filtered out before you read it, and the facts about the children still get through. The other parent keeps using email or text as normal and does not need to install or join anything. Every original message is kept in your Archive.

Keeping a clear record

If arrangements might be reviewed later, a clear record of what was agreed helps everyone. Keep parenting messages in one place, avoid deleting them, and confirm agreements in a short follow-up message, such as “Just confirming: pick-up at 4pm Friday from school.”

FenceChat keeps every original message in your Archive, with the filtered version beside it. On the Legal plan you can export a PDF of your messages, organised for your lawyer.

If you feel unsafe: A course and a message filter are not a safety plan. If you are worried about your safety or your children’s safety, contact one of the services below, or call emergency services if you are in danger.

Where to get help

These services are free or low-cost. If you or someone else is in danger, call your local emergency number first.

Australia

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

  • Lifeline Crisis support and suicide prevention, any time. 13 11 14.
  • Beyond Blue Support for anxiety, stress and low mood. 1300 22 4636.

If you feel unsafe

  • Emergency: 000 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
  • 1800RESPECT Free, confidential counselling for family, domestic and sexual violence, any time. 1800 737 732.

United States

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

If you feel unsafe

United Kingdom

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

  • Samaritans Someone to talk to, any time. Call 116 123.
  • Mind Mental health information and support.

If you feel unsafe

Frequently asked questions

Is a parenting after separation course compulsory?

Not always. Many parents choose to do one. Sometimes a family dispute resolution practitioner, a lawyer or a court suggests or requires one. If a course is part of a court process, ask your lawyer or a free legal service what is expected of you. This guide is general information, not legal advice.

Are there free parenting after separation courses?

Yes. Some are free or low cost, including Family Transitions Triple P Online. Fees for other courses vary by provider and state, and some offer reduced fees, so it is worth asking.

Does the other parent have to do the same course?

Usually not. Parents often attend separately, sometimes at different times or with different providers. You can use what you learn even if the other parent never does a course.

How does FenceChat help after the course?

FenceChat filters hostile language out of the other parent’s emails and texts before you read them, so you see the facts about the children without the digs. The other parent does not need to install anything, and every original message is kept in your Archive.