Key points
- A single hostile message can hijack your mood, your focus, and your evening, even if you never reply.
- The harm is partly about timing: messages arrive unannounced, at any hour, on the device you use for everything.
- Taking back control means changing when and how those messages reach you, not just what they say.
- FenceChat delivers filtered messages to your inbox and Dashboard, so nothing ambushes you on your lock screen.
A friendly note: This guide shares general information to help you understand your options. It isn’t legal advice, and it can’t tell you what to do in your own situation. For that, a lawyer or a free legal service is the best next step, and you’ll find some in Where to get help.
If you are in regular contact with someone who is hostile, you already know the pattern. A message lands, you see the preview, and the rest of the day tilts. You did not choose to read it at that moment. It chose you. That timing is a large part of why these messages do the damage they do.
Why the lock screen is the problem
Modern phones are built to interrupt. A notification preview puts the first line of a hostile message in front of you whether you are at work, with your children, or trying to sleep. Even if you do not open it, you have already absorbed the hit. The message has reached past every boundary you tried to set.
Taking back the timing
The single most protective change is to move these messages off the channel that ambushes you. With FenceChat, messages sent to your FenceChat address or number are filtered and delivered to your email inbox and your Dashboard, not pushed to your lock screen as they arrive. You open them when you have decided you are ready, in one calm place, rather than being interrupted on the other person’s schedule.
Taking the sting out of the content
Timing is half of it; the words are the other half. FenceChat’s AI removes the hostile and manipulative content before you read it, leaving the facts you actually need. So when you do open a message, you are far less likely to be reading an insult. The original is always there if you want it, but you are not forced to take the hit to get the information.
Small habits that help
- Set specific times to check your FenceChat inbox rather than reacting to every arrival.
- Turn off SMS forwarding to your phone if you would rather read only in your inbox and Dashboard.
- Remember the record is automatic, so you do not need to screenshot in the moment to feel safe.
- If a message is ever a genuine emergency, important information still reaches you; you are not cutting yourself off.
Where to get help
These services are free or low-cost. If you or someone else is in danger, call your local emergency number first.
Australia
If you feel unsafe
- Emergency: 000 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
- 1800RESPECT Free, confidential counselling for family, domestic and sexual violence, any time. 1800 737 732.
Online abuse, stalking and cybercrime
- eSafety Commissioner Report serious online abuse and image-based abuse.
- ReportCyber Report cybercrime affecting you or your business.
Free or low-cost legal help
- National Legal Aid Find free legal help in your state or territory.
- Law Council of Australia Links to each state law society, which can refer you to a lawyer.
Someone to talk to
- Lifeline Crisis support and suicide prevention, any time. 13 11 14.
- Beyond Blue Support for anxiety, stress and low mood. 1300 22 4636.
United States
If you feel unsafe
- Emergency: 911 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline Free, confidential support, any time. Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
Online abuse, stalking and cybercrime
- Cyber Civil Rights Initiative Support for online and image-based abuse, including a free helpline, any time: 844-878-2274.
- Stalking Prevention, Awareness and Resource Center Information and resources about stalking.
- FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center Report internet crime.
Free or low-cost legal help
- Legal Services Corporation Find free civil legal aid near you.
- LawHelp.org Free legal information and help, by state.
Someone to talk to
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Call or text 988 for crisis support, any time.
United Kingdom
If you feel unsafe
- Emergency: 999 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline Free, confidential support, any time. 0808 2000 247.
Online abuse, stalking and cybercrime
- National Stalking Helpline Advice for people affected by stalking. 0808 802 0300.
- Victim Support Free support for people affected by crime.
Free or low-cost legal help
- Citizens Advice Free, confidential advice on legal and everyday problems.
- Law Society: Find a Solicitor Find a solicitor near you.
Someone to talk to
- Samaritans Someone to talk to, any time. Call 116 123.
- Mind Mental health information and support.
Frequently asked questions
Why do hostile messages affect me so much even when I do not reply?
Because they arrive unannounced and intrude on whatever you were doing. The interruption itself, not just the words, is part of the harm. Controlling when you read them reduces that.
Can I stop messages appearing on my lock screen?
Yes. FenceChat delivers filtered messages to your inbox and Dashboard rather than pushing them to your phone, so they do not ambush you. You can read them when you choose.
Will I miss something urgent?
No. Useful and urgent information is preserved and delivered. Only hostile content is removed, and you can open the original any time.
Does this mean blocking the person?
No. You stay reachable. The point is to control the timing and remove the hostility, not to cut contact you may need to keep.
Is this only for co-parenting?
No. It helps anyone in ongoing contact with a hostile person, including difficult clients, former employees, and persistent unwanted contact.