Key points
- Most parenting plans and consent orders include a term about how parents will communicate.
- The usual terms are sensible but they can break down when one parent keeps sending hostile messages through the agreed channel.
- FenceChat works on ordinary email and text messages, so it fits inside a “communicate in writing” term without being named.
- Nothing on this page is legal advice. How a term is drafted is a matter for the parties and their lawyers.
Communication terms are some of the most-used and most-breached parts of a parenting agreement. Getting the wording right matters, but so does what happens on an ordinary Tuesday when a message arrives that the term was meant to prevent. This page looks at the common shapes these terms take and where a one-sided message filter helps a client live with them.
Parenting plans and consent orders, briefly
A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents. Consent orders are orders the court makes with both parents’ agreement, and they can be enforced in a way a plan generally can’t. Both commonly say something about how the parents will talk to each other. Which suits a family, and how it should be worded, is a question for the parents and their lawyers.
Common communication terms, and how FenceChat fits
| A common term | Where it tends to break down | How FenceChat fits |
|---|---|---|
| Communication in writing, by email or text | The writing itself becomes the problem: long, hostile or relentless messages | Works inside it. The other parent keeps emailing or texting as agreed; your client reads the filtered version |
| Only about the children | Messages drift into blame, money and the past | Removes the hostile wording and keeps the child-related facts your client still needs |
| Respectful, child-focused language | Hard to enforce message by message | Your client’s own replies pass an opt-in check that takes out hostile wording, which helps keep their side of the record calm |
| A reply within a set time, such as 48 hours | Clients avoid opening hostile messages, then miss the deadline | Filtered messages are easier to open and answer. Each one is archived, alongside the original, with the date and time it arrived |
| An exception for emergencies, such as a phone call | Every message gets labelled urgent | The filter keeps facts, times and arrangements, so the substance of an urgent message still reaches your client |
| A nominated address or number | A parent changes numbers or uses a new channel | Your client can give their FenceChat email address, and on plans with text messages their FenceChat SMS number, as the place to write to |
| No messages passed through the children | Pressure moves to the children when direct contact is fraught | Where direct contact is safe and permitted, making it lower-conflict can take some of that pressure away |
| A review date | The term stays in place long after it stops working | The Archive provides a factual record of how communication has actually gone over time |
Why naming a product isn’t needed
Some orders name a specific co-parenting app, which then binds both parents to that platform and usually its fees. FenceChat works the other way: it sits on your client’s side of ordinary email and text messages. So a term that simply says “in writing, by email or text message” is enough. The other parent isn’t asked to install, join or pay for anything.
If orders already require a particular app, your client must follow them. FenceChat can’t filter messages sent inside another platform.
Where a protection order is also in place
Where an intervention order or AVO limits contact, its conditions come first. FenceChat doesn’t create contact or permit it. It only changes what your client reads when lawful contact arrives. Our page on helping clients communicate under an AVO covers this in more detail.
The record the term creates
A communication term is only as useful as the evidence of how it was kept. With FenceChat, every message to your client, the original, is kept as it arrived and also as it was shown filtered, with the date and time, sealed in order. If a term is later said to have been breached, by either parent, there is a continuous record to look at rather than a selection of screenshots.
Frequently asked questions
Does FenceChat need to be written into the orders?
No. It works on ordinary email and text messages, so it fits inside a term that requires communication in writing.
Will the other parent know?
The first time they write to your client’s FenceChat address or number, they receive a one-time notice that messages are processed by AI and stored. They don’t need to do anything. This can be turned off if your client feels the notice would put them at risk.
Can my client still meet a reply deadline?
Yes. Messages are delivered as they arrive, filtered, and each one is kept with its date and time.
Is this legal advice about drafting orders?
No. This page describes common practice and how FenceChat works. How a term should be drafted for a particular family is a question for their lawyers.