Key points

  • Parenting orders are orders made by an Australian court about children’s care. Consent orders are parenting orders made on what both parents agree.
  • Unlike a parenting plan, parenting orders must be followed.
  • Orders set out the arrangements, but parents still have to message each other about the details. That is where conflict often continues.
  • If you think the orders aren’t being followed, calm written records and a conversation with a lawyer or free legal service are usually the best next steps. Arguing about the orders by email or text rarely helps.
  • FenceChat filters hostility out of the other parent’s emails and texts and keeps every original, which helps you stay calm and keep a clear record.

A friendly note: This guide shares general information to help you understand your options. It isn’t legal advice, and it can’t tell you what to do in your own situation. For that, a lawyer or a free legal service is the best next step, and you’ll find some in Where to get help.

What are parenting orders?

Parenting orders are orders made by a court about the care of children after separation. In Australia they are made by the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (or, in Western Australia, the Family Court of WA). They can cover who the children live with, the time they spend with each parent, how major decisions are made and how parents communicate.

Consent orders are parenting orders made on the basis of what both parents have agreed, without a full court hearing. The Federal Circuit and Family Court explains the difference between consent orders and a parenting plan, and how to apply for parenting orders.

This guide is general information about communication, not legal advice. What your orders mean, and what to do if they aren’t followed, are questions for a lawyer or a free legal service.

What parenting orders usually cover

  • where the children live and the time they spend with each parent
  • handovers, school holidays and special days
  • who is responsible for major long-term decisions, such as schooling and health
  • sometimes, how and how often parents communicate, and how children contact the other parent
  • sometimes, conditions such as handovers at a set place

If your orders include a communication clause, that clause sets the rules, and a lawyer or free legal service can explain anything that’s unclear. If they don’t, the habits in this guide can still help. Where there is also a protection order, such as an AVO, see what contact is allowed under AVO conditions.

Why communication still matters once orders are made

Orders set out the big picture, but daily life still needs messages: running late, a sick child, a school event, a swap to attend a wedding. For many families, conflict moves from the courtroom into the inbox.

A few habits help keep these messages calm:

  1. Stick to the practical point. Times, places, the children’s needs.
  2. Refer to the orders without arguing about them. “As per the orders, handover is at 5pm at school.”
  3. Put agreed changes in writing. “Confirming we agreed to swap this weekend for next. Thanks.”
  4. Keep disagreements about the orders out of the message thread. A lawyer or free legal service is the right place for those.

The BIFF method and grey rock can both help with replies when orders are in place.

If the other parent isn’t following the orders

It can be very stressful when handovers are missed or arrangements are changed without agreement. Some general steps people take:

  • Stay calm in writing. One short, factual message is better than a heated exchange: “The children weren’t at school for pick-up today at 3pm as set out in the orders. Please let me know what happened.”
  • Keep a record. Dates, times, what was meant to happen and what did. Save every message. See can text messages be used in family court.
  • Talk to a lawyer or free legal service before taking formal steps. The court has processes for when orders aren’t followed, and there may be good reasons for what happened. A lawyer or legal aid service can explain your options. Victoria Legal Aid has information on when parents disagree about arrangements.
  • Keep the children out of it. Where you can, avoid disagreements at handovers or in front of them.

If you are worried about anyone’s safety, contact emergency services or one of the services below.

How FenceChat helps: When there are orders in place, every message can feel high stakes. FenceChat filters hostile, manipulative language out of the other parent’s emails and texts before you read them and passes on the practical content, so you can reply calmly and stick to the facts. Every original message is kept in your Archive and can be exported if your lawyer needs it.

If you feel unsafe: Message habits and a filter are not a safety plan. If you are worried about your safety, contact one of the services below, or call emergency services if you are in danger.

Where to get help

These services are free or low-cost. If you or someone else is in danger, call your local emergency number first.

Australia

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

If you feel unsafe

  • Emergency: 000 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
  • 1800RESPECT Free, confidential counselling for family, domestic and sexual violence, any time. 1800 737 732.

Someone to talk to

  • Lifeline Crisis support and suicide prevention, any time. 13 11 14.
  • Beyond Blue Support for anxiety, stress and low mood. 1300 22 4636.

United States

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

If you feel unsafe

Someone to talk to

United Kingdom

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

If you feel unsafe

Someone to talk to

  • Samaritans Someone to talk to, any time. Call 116 123.
  • Mind Mental health information and support.

Frequently asked questions

What are parenting orders?

Parenting orders are orders made by a court in Australia about the care of children after separation, such as who they live with, the time they spend with each parent and how major decisions are made. They must be followed. This is general information, and a lawyer or free legal service can explain what your orders mean.

What is the difference between parenting orders and consent orders?

Consent orders are parenting orders made on the basis of what both parents agree, usually without a full hearing. Once made, they are court orders like any other parenting orders.

What happens if parenting orders are not followed?

The court has processes for when orders aren’t followed, and the right step depends on what happened. Calm written records help, and a lawyer or free legal service can explain your options. This is general information, not legal advice.

Can parenting orders say how parents communicate?

Yes, orders sometimes include communication clauses, such as how and how often parents contact each other. If yours do, those clauses set the rules, and a lawyer or free legal service can explain them.

How does FenceChat help when there are parenting orders?

FenceChat filters hostile language out of the other parent’s emails and texts and passes on the practical details, so you can reply calmly. Every original message is kept in your Archive and can be exported if your lawyer needs it.