Key points

  • A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents about the children’s care, made without going to court.
  • In Australia a parenting plan isn’t legally enforceable the way parenting orders are. The Federal Circuit and Family Court explains the difference, and a lawyer or free legal service can tell you what it means for you.
  • Most plans cover living arrangements, schedules, holidays, school, health and money.
  • Many leave out communication, even though that is where a lot of conflict happens. Agreeing message rules up front can prevent arguments later.
  • FenceChat filters hostility out of the other parent’s emails and texts, which helps you keep to the communication rules you agreed.

A friendly note: This guide shares general information to help you understand your options. It isn’t legal advice, and it can’t tell you what to do in your own situation. For that, a lawyer or a free legal service is the best next step, and you’ll find some in Where to get help.

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is a written agreement between separated parents about how their children will be cared for. Parents work it out together, sometimes with the help of a mediator, without going to court.

In Australia, a parenting plan is not legally enforceable. That is the main difference between a parenting plan and consent orders, which are parenting orders made by a court and must be followed. The Federal Circuit and Family Court explains both and recommends legal advice before you sign either. In the US, the term parenting plan is often used for the schedule filed with a custody order, and the rules vary by state.

This guide is general information, not legal advice. For your situation, a lawyer or a free legal service is the best next step.

What to include in a parenting plan

Official checklists, such as the Australian Government’s parenting plan fact sheet and Relationships Australia’s parenting plan checklist, usually cover:

  • who the children live with, and when they spend time with each parent (see common custody arrangements)
  • handover times, places and transport
  • school holidays, birthdays, religious and cultural days
  • schooling, health care and how major decisions are made
  • extra costs such as school fees, sport and medical bills
  • contact with grandparents and extended family
  • how the plan will be reviewed and how disagreements will be resolved

Legal Aid NSW has a practical guide to drafting a parenting plan, and Victoria Legal Aid explains what to do when you agree on arrangements.

The section most templates leave out: communication

Many parenting plan templates mention communication in a single line, if at all. Yet most day-to-day conflict happens in messages. Agreeing a few rules while things are calm can save arguments later. Here is some example wording to show the kind of thing families agree. It’s a starting point for discussion, not a legal template. If your plan might later become consent orders, a lawyer can check the wording, and if there is a protection order in place, its conditions come first.

Communication between parents
1. We will communicate about the children by email or text, not through the children.
2. Messages will be about the children and practical arrangements only.
3. Non-urgent messages will get a reply within 48 hours. Urgent matters (health, safety, same-day changes) will be marked “urgent” and answered as soon as possible.
4. Requests to change the schedule will be made at least 48 hours ahead, except in an emergency.
5. We will keep messages polite and will not comment on each other’s households or new partners.
6. Important information (school notices, medical appointments) will be shared in writing within 24 hours.

Keep the rules short and realistic. Rules that are too strict are easy to break, which can start a new argument.

Parenting plan examples: putting it into practice

  • Schedule change request: “Could we swap the weekend of the 14th for the 21st? I have a work trip. Happy to cover the Wednesday pick-up that week too.”
  • Urgent message: “Urgent: Ari has a fever and won’t be at school today. I’ve booked the GP for 11am.”
  • Sharing information: “School photos are on Tuesday 3 March. The order form is attached.”

If a reply breaks the agreed rules, it helps to not argue about the rule by text. Answer the practical point and keep a record. Our guide to co-parenting boundaries has more on holding a boundary calmly.

Reviewing the plan, and when it isn’t followed

Children grow and circumstances change, so many families build in a review date, such as each new school year. If you can’t agree on changes, many families in Australia try family dispute resolution (mediation), and the Family Relationship Advice Line can point you to services. Mediation isn’t right for everyone, for example where there has been family violence, and those services can talk you through other options.

Because a parenting plan isn’t legally enforceable in Australia, some families go on to ask the court for consent orders. Our guide to parenting orders and day-to-day communication covers what changes once orders are in place.

How FenceChat helps: A communication section only works if both sides keep to it. FenceChat can’t make the other parent follow the plan, but it filters hostile, manipulative language out of their emails and texts before you read them and passes on the practical content. You reply to the facts, and every original message is kept in your secure Archive, so you have a complete record of how communication has gone.

If you feel unsafe: Message habits and a filter are not a safety plan. If you are worried about your safety, contact one of the services below, or call emergency services if you are in danger.

Where to get help

These services are free or low-cost. If you or someone else is in danger, call your local emergency number first.

Australia

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

  • Lifeline Crisis support and suicide prevention, any time. 13 11 14.
  • Beyond Blue Support for anxiety, stress and low mood. 1300 22 4636.

If you feel unsafe

  • Emergency: 000 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
  • 1800RESPECT Free, confidential counselling for family, domestic and sexual violence, any time. 1800 737 732.

United States

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

If you feel unsafe

United Kingdom

Separation and co-parenting

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

  • Samaritans Someone to talk to, any time. Call 116 123.
  • Mind Mental health information and support.

If you feel unsafe

Frequently asked questions

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is a written agreement between separated parents about how their children will be cared for, made without going to court. In Australia it isn’t legally enforceable the way parenting orders are. This is general information, and a lawyer or free legal service can tell you how it applies to you.

What should be included in a parenting plan?

Usually who the children live with and when they see each parent, handovers, holidays and special days, schooling, health, costs, contact with extended family, how the plan is reviewed, and how you will communicate.

What is the difference between a parenting plan and consent orders?

In general terms, a parenting plan is a private agreement that isn’t legally enforceable in Australia, while consent orders are parenting orders made by a court based on what the parents agree, and they must be followed. The Federal Circuit and Family Court recommends legal advice before signing either. This is general information, not legal advice.

Is there a parenting plan template for Australia?

The Australian Government’s Family Relationships Online fact sheet and Relationships Australia’s checklist are good starting points, and legal aid services in each state publish guides. This guide adds example wording for a communication section.

How does FenceChat help with a parenting plan?

FenceChat filters hostile language out of the other parent’s emails and texts and passes on the practical details, which makes it easier to keep to the communication rules in your plan. Every original message is kept in your Archive.