Protective order vs no contact order vs restraining order: what each one means in the US

In the US, a protective order and a restraining order are often the same kind of civil order with different names. A no-contact order is often different: it is commonly made by a criminal court in a criminal case, for example as a bail condition. All of them can ban texts, calls and email.

This guide covers the main types of order, what “no contact” usually includes, and what to do if messages keep coming. It is general information, not legal advice. Laws and court procedures differ by state. Check your state’s court website, or speak to a family law attorney or legal aid service.

Why the names differ from state to state

Each state writes its own laws, so each state picks its own names. California uses restraining order. New York uses order of protection. Delaware uses Protection from Abuse order. Other states say protective order or protection order.

WomensLaw, a national legal information site, notes that protective order laws let a judge order protections such as staying away and no contact. Read its overview of restraining order laws and then find your own state’s page there.

So the name matters less than two questions. Which court made the order? And what exactly does it say?

The three main types of order

Domestic violence protective orders

These are civil orders you ask for yourself, against a partner, ex or close family member. In California, they can cover someone you have dated, and relatives such as a parent, child, sibling or grandparent. There is no court fee to file one there.

Depending on the state, they can also include stay-away distances, moving out of a shared home, firearms limits, and orders about custody and support. California’s orders can cover all of these.

Civil harassment and stalking orders

Many states have a separate order for harassment or stalking by someone who is not a partner or close relative. California’s civil harassment restraining order covers people such as a neighbour, landlord or co-worker, and more distant relatives. The California courts note that harassment can happen anywhere, including online.

Criminal no-contact orders

A criminal court can make a no-contact or protective order against someone charged with a crime. In New York, for example, a criminal court order of protection can only be issued against a person charged with a crime. You do not apply for it yourself: the state brings the criminal case.

These orders are often a condition of bail or release, and can become part of a sentence. In Delaware, a criminal no-contact order stays in place while the charges are pending and can continue during a sentence, including probation. For questions about a criminal order, contact the court that made it or the prosecutor’s victim services office.

You can have more than one order at once, for example a criminal order and a civil one. If you are not sure how they fit together, ask the court or an attorney.

Emergency, temporary and final orders

Many states have two stages. First, a short-term order, often called a temporary or emergency order. A judge can make it quickly, often before the other person has been heard. Then a longer order after a court hearing, where both sides can speak.

In California, a judge usually decides on a temporary restraining order the same day or the next business day after you file. After the hearing, the judge can make an order lasting up to five years, which you can ask to renew. In New York, local town and city courts can issue temporary orders for family court outside business hours.

Names, time limits and steps differ by state. Your state court’s self-help pages set out the process.

If you are in danger

• Emergency: call 911.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE), text START to 88788, or chat live at thehotline.org. It is confidential and available 24/7.

Does a no-contact order cover texts and email?

Usually, yes. A no-contact term is not limited to meeting face to face. WomensLaw explains that a judge can ban contact by phone, text, notes, mail, email or through a third person.

California’s standard domestic violence order is a good example. It bans contact “directly or indirectly, by any means, including by telephone, mail, email, or other electronic means”. Depending on the wording, that can include messages sent through apps and social media.

“Indirectly” matters. Passing messages through a friend, a relative or the children can count as contact. If you are not sure what your order allows, ask the court that made it or an attorney before you send anything.

If you are the protected person and you make contact

An order restrains the other person, not you. In New York, the state’s domestic violence office says you cannot violate your own order by contacting the person you are protected from.

But your contact does not cancel the order or loosen it. California’s order form says that even if the protected person invites or consents to contact, the orders remain in effect and must be enforced. It adds that the orders can be changed only by another court order.

If you want contact, or want different terms, go back to the court that made the order. Until a judge changes it, it applies exactly as written.

What to do if messages arrive in breach

If the other person texts, emails or messages you in breach of an order, these steps can help:

1. Do not reply. A reply can turn into a conversation, even when you are only asking them to stop.
2. Keep everything. Do not delete the messages, even the ones that upset you.
3. Report it. In New York, you can call the police, file a violation with the family court, or contact a local domestic violence advocate. In California, the courts advise calling 911 to have police enforce the order. If you are in danger, call 911 straight away.
4. Carry a copy of your order. A photo of every page on your phone is a useful backup.

If messages are persistent or threatening, our guide to threatening texts from an ex covers more of what to keep.

Keeping a record and showing messages to the court

A clear record helps you report a breach and helps a court see what happened. WomensLaw’s guide to documenting technology abuse suggests:

• Keep a log of each incident as it happens: the date, time, what was sent and how.
• Take screenshots that show the sender’s phone number, not just the name saved in your phone. Use several screenshots if needed.
• Print emails with full header information, from the original email, not a forwarded copy.
• Include the full web address for social media posts.
• Store copies somewhere safe, away from a phone the other person might see.

Each court has its own rules on evidence. Ask your court’s self-help centre or an attorney how to bring messages to a hearing. Our guide to documenting emotional abuse walks through building a record over time.

Where to start: how to get a restraining order for harassment

If the person harassing you is not a partner or close relative, a civil harassment or stalking order may fit. If they are a partner, ex or close relative, a domestic violence order may fit better.

• Your state court’s self-help pages. Most state courts publish plain-language guides and forms. California’s self-help site, for example, has step-by-step guides for each type of order.
• Legal aid. Free legal services can help if you cannot afford an attorney.
• WomensLaw.org. State-by-state legal information on protective orders, open to everyone.
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Advocates can connect you with local legal help and support services.
• A family law attorney, especially if children, custody or a divorce are involved.

Co-parenting under an order

Some orders ban all contact. Others allow limited contact about the children. California’s order form, for example, lets a judge allow brief and peaceful contact only to communicate about the children for court-ordered visits. Some orders or parenting plans name a set method, such as a particular app, an email address or a third person.

Follow the exact terms, every time. If your order names a method, use only that method. Keep messages short, about the children only, and free of anything else. If the terms are unclear, or no longer work, ask the court to clarify or change them. Do not agree a new arrangement between yourselves. If messages about the children are used to control you, see our guide to coercive control in messages.

How FenceChat fits

FenceChat is never a way to contact someone an order forbids you to contact. It is never a way around any term of an order. If your order says no contact, there is no permitted channel, FenceChat included.