Text messages from an ex-partner who is harassing you land differently from almost any other kind of unwanted contact. They arrive on your personal device, at any time of day or night. If you have children together, you can’t simply disappear: some level of contact is expected, and complete silence can sometimes complicate parenting arrangements.

A friendly note: This guide shares general information to help you understand your options. It isn’t legal advice, and it can’t tell you what to do in your own situation. For that, a lawyer or a free legal service is the best next step, and you’ll find some in Where to get help.

The usual advice, block them, works when there’s no reason to stay in contact. When there is, it fails almost immediately. This guide focuses on what you can actually do when blocking isn’t the full answer. That is why many people look for ways to stop someone texting without blocking them.

Why exes use text messages to harass

Texts are immediate and personal in a way email isn’t. They arrive on the same device you use to speak to your family and friends. There’s a specific psychological weight to receiving an abusive message on your phone: it feels intrusive in a way that email from the same person might not.

Former partners who use text to harass often know this. They may also know that you have to check your phone: for work, for your children, for emergencies. The harassment exploits the fact that you can’t easily create distance from a device you depend on.

The co-parenting trap

The hardest situations involve shared children. You need to know about school pickup times, medical appointments, and schedule changes. Your ex knows this and may deliberately mix practical information with abuse, making it impossible to simply ignore everything they send. Even without children, shared pets or a lease can keep you in contact; see who gets the dog after a breakup.

Co-parents are generally expected to keep some form of communication going, and going entirely silent can sometimes be raised in a parenting dispute, even when you’re doing it for legitimate safety reasons. A family lawyer can explain how this applies to you. This is the trap: you’re expected to stay in contact with someone whose contact causes you genuine harm.

A relay number with AI filtering solves this specifically. It reads each incoming text and strips the hostile content, forwarding only practical information. You stay reachable and informed without reading the abuse every time a message comes through.

The pattern: what harassment by text looks like

Harassment by text from an ex rarely looks like a single dramatic incident. More often it’s a sustained pattern:

  • A high volume of texts, often at inconvenient times
  • Messages that begin with a practical subject before pivoting to insults or accusations
  • Repeated raising of resolved issues: who was at fault in the relationship, past grievances, parenting criticisms
  • Emotional manipulation dressed up as concern (“I’m only texting because the children are worried”)
  • Texts that become more intense if you don’t respond quickly

Individually, some of these messages might seem like they don’t rise to the level of harassment. As a documented pattern over weeks or months, they often do. The same applies when an ex won’t stop contacting you through other channels.

Your options

Block and redirect

If you have no ongoing reason to stay in contact, block their number completely. If they have a legitimate need to communicate, about children, for example, tell them to contact you through a solicitor, mediator, or co-parenting app. Any breach of that boundary is documented automatically.

Use a relay number

Give your ex a relay number in place of your real mobile number. Their texts arrive at the relay, are filtered for abusive content, and a clean version is delivered to you: with FenceChat, to your email inbox and Dashboard, so their SMS messages never ambush you on your lock screen. Your real number is never revealed. Every original text, including all filtered content, is archived automatically with a timestamp.

This is the most practical option for situations where complete blocking isn’t viable. Your ex installs nothing and doesn’t have to do anything differently: they just text the relay number the same way they would text you directly. The first time they message, they get a one-time notice that messages are processed by AI and stored.

Document systematically

Whether you’re planning to involve police or not, build a record now. Screenshot every harassing text with the sender’s name or number visible. Note dates and times. Back everything up to cloud storage. If you’re using a relay number, this happens automatically.

A documented history of harassing texts can be very helpful if you later decide to apply for a protection order, speak to a solicitor, or report to police. In the US, our guide to text messages as evidence in US courts explains the basics.

Seek a protection order

In Australia, people in this situation can apply for an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO), Domestic Violence Order (DVO), or equivalent in their state or territory. These can include conditions prohibiting contact by text message or SMS. Breach of a protection order is a criminal offence. The application process varies by state, and Legal Aid can help if you can’t afford a solicitor. A lawyer or a free legal service can tell you whether an order may fit your situation.

In the US, the equivalent is a protective or restraining order, and the rules vary by state. Our US guide explains the basics.

Report to police

If texts are threatening, if you feel physically unsafe, or if the harassment is severe, contact police (in an emergency, call 000 in Australia or 911 in the US). Bring your documentation. Police can issue formal warnings, investigate for stalking or harassment offences, and connect you with victim support services. You don’t need to wait until something physical happens to involve police in a text harassment situation.

What to do if they switch to a new number

A common tactic when someone is blocked is to text from a new number. Signs include unknown numbers sending messages that clearly reference things only your ex would know, or messages that begin where a previous conversation left off.

If you’re using a relay number, this doesn’t affect you: your real number remains private regardless of what number they text from. If you’re relying on blocking your ex’s known number directly, you’ll need to block each new number as it appears and document the pattern of switching. A relay also avoids the drawbacks of a second phone number.

Where to get help

These services are free or low-cost. If you or someone else is in danger, call your local emergency number first.

Australia

If you feel unsafe

  • Emergency: 000 Police, ambulance or fire, if you or someone else is in danger.
  • 1800RESPECT Free, confidential counselling for family, domestic and sexual violence, any time. 1800 737 732.

Online abuse, stalking and cybercrime

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

  • Lifeline Crisis support and suicide prevention, any time. 13 11 14.
  • Beyond Blue Support for anxiety, stress and low mood. 1300 22 4636.

United States

If you feel unsafe

Online abuse, stalking and cybercrime

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

United Kingdom

If you feel unsafe

Online abuse, stalking and cybercrime

Free or low-cost legal help

Someone to talk to

  • Samaritans Someone to talk to, any time. Call 116 123.
  • Mind Mental health information and support.

Frequently asked questions

My ex keeps sending me harassing text messages. What can I do?

Document everything first: screenshot every message with the sender’s name or number visible. Then consider your options: block if you have no ongoing contact, use a relay number if you need to stay in touch, and speak to police or a solicitor if the texts are threatening or part of a serious pattern.

Can harassing texts from an ex be used as evidence?

Often, yes. Screenshots are commonly given to police, courts and lawyers to show a pattern of behaviour, though how they are used is up to police and the court, and the rules differ between Australia and US states. A relay SMS number automatically archives every incoming message with a timestamp, which is more consistent than manual screenshots.

How do I stop harassing texts from my ex when we have children together?

A relay number with AI filtering is the most practical solution. Each incoming text is processed by AI, which removes abusive content and forwards only the useful information: pickup times, school events, medical matters. You stay reachable without reading the harassment every time a message arrives.

Is it harassment if my ex texts me repeatedly?

Repeated unwanted contact by text can amount to harassment or stalking under Australian law, particularly if the messages are intended to cause fear or distress, contain threats or abuse, or continue after you’ve asked for them to stop. The specific threshold varies by state and territory, and in the US, harassment and stalking laws vary by state too.

What is a relay number and how does it help with texts from an ex?

A relay number is a virtual mobile number you give your ex in place of your real number. Their texts arrive at the relay first, are filtered for abuse, and a clean version is delivered to you: with FenceChat, to your email inbox and Dashboard. Your real number stays private, and original unfiltered messages are archived automatically.